Unbeknownst
by Confoundment
Summary: This tells of all the trials and tribulations that only seem to make James and Lily's relationship that much stronger. Please review any chapters you read, even if you read them all at once.
1. Chapter 1

_Disclaimer: I do not own any of this, obviously..._

_A/N: This is my first fanfiction ever, so I'm sure it's quite horrid.There will be several more chapters, and if I'm slow with updates, I apologize. School is quite hellish and I have other obligations. Thanks so much and try to enjoy :_

* * *

"Listen, Potter. I do not want to be here any more than you do, but McGonagall is forcing us, and I don't see any way of getting out of it." I closed my eyes and inhaled deeply, trying to clear my head, trying to imagine what it would be like anywhere but here, away from this git. "Let's just not make this any worse than it already is, alright?" When I opened my eyes again, he was looking at me with the oddest expression on his face. He looked almost hurt.

"Who said I didn't want to be here?" He asked with complete sincerity. My expression must have turned somewhat alarmed for his mocking smirk and teasing hazel eyes returned after a moment.

"Right, well. Transfiguration. You're failing that class. You heard McGonagall. She's going to have to dismiss you of your Head duties as well as your place as quidditch captain if I do not help you raise you grade. So _let_ me."

He leaned back into the cushioned chairs of the ancient library, his hazel eyes boring into my own shining emerald eyes. "Okay."

My eyes widened slightly; James Potter never, _never_, gave in. Maybe he was starting to get serious about his life after all. "Okay." I smiled and pulled a thick leather-bound textbook out of my book bag. It landed on the table with a dull thud. Madam Pince threw Potter and I a look that could kill. She was one of the few members of faculty that was still quite young and it was obvious that she would one day become one of those bitter old hags who ran the library, practically murdering students just for sneezing.

James smirked at me after Madam Pince turned away and my heart fluttered for a moment, before I could stop myself. I instantly knew that I was going to be in for a long night.

* * *

"No! Wait! You have to hold your wand erect, like so." I grabbed his hand and forced it into the correct position for transforming the radio back into a rat, ignoring my rioting hormones. Just because James was being civil did not mean anything.

I grinned largely when he successfully transfigured the radio and his expression matched my own. I was about to speak when I heard the clock chime eleven. It was time for our patrol.

"Come on." He stood gracefully, gathering his books and one hand and offering his other to me. With no thoughts of why not, I took his hand and he helped me out of my seat. He tugged a hand through his unkempt inky black hair ruggedly, making the muscles built up from numerous years as a quidditch star strain against his shirt. We walked along the corridors in comfortable silence for a while before he finally spoke. "Thank you, for helping me. I know you don't want to and that you hate me. What did McGonagall say she'd do to you if you didn't tutor me?"

"I don't hate you." I muttered almost inaudibly.

"What was that?"

"I don't hate you, James." I said a bit louder, with more conviction. "As much as I dislike you, I don't hate you."

He smiled sadly and stopped suddenly, turning to face me. "I don't think that's true." James paused thoughtfully, as though everything depended on this one conversation and maybe it did. "As much as I'd like it to be, I don't think it is." He touched my cheek with his fingertips, barely grazing my skin. My cheek tingled unsettlingly pleasantly at his touch. James cast me one last doleful look before heading back to the Heads' dormitories.

As much as I'd hate to admit it, his words stung. I know we bickered constantly, but I could never hate him. He was arrogant and cocky and self-assured, but he was charming and protected those he cared for. James had a certain air about him that put him above the rest. Dumbledore believed in him and if that wasn't enough of a reason to put faith in someone, I don't know what is.

* * *

It wasn't until much later, when I was in bed, reflecting on the events of that night, that I realized I had called him James. 


	2. Chapter 2

_Disclaimer: I, of course, do not own anything. Except perhaps the plot. But don't quote me on that._

_ A/N: I am still grounded, so there will not be another update for at least another week. So, I apologize. The last chapter was so excruciatingly short, that I made this one over sixteen hundred words. If you read it, _please_ review. I would greatly appreciate it. It only takes a moment, and I'll even go and read and review one of your own stories. I really hope you enjoy this chapter much more than the last. Thank you so much._

* * *

When I saw James in the Great Hall the next morning at breakfast, my heart sank, remembering our conversation and his belief of my hatred for him. He had left before I had even woken up this morning, avoiding me at all costs. _Thankfully, we have to patrol tonight, so I may get the chance to redeem myself,_ I thought pathetically. Why did I even care? What did it even matter? All James Potter had ever been to me was a meaningless nuisance.

"Hey Lily." His voice held that same insouciant lilt as it always did, but it barely managed to cover the strain and discomfort from our previous conversation.

"Hello James." I smiled slightly. My gaze flickered behind him and I saw the surprise of his fellow Marauders at my use of his first name. If James was surprised he didn't show it. "Listen, about yesterday. I didn't… I mean, I don't ha—"

"No, no. It's fine." He gave me that grin that would charm any girl straight into a Demetor's arms. "No harm, no foul." He sounded odd. Lifeless, as if he didn't care at all. I told myself that if he didn't care, neither did I.

"I'll talk to you later then." I strode over to sit by Alice and Mary, leaving James and his bewildered Marauders in my wake.

"Lily!" Alice squealed, pulling me down to sit beside her. "Why on earth were you talking to Potter?" She wrinkled her pert little nose prettily and I sighed, trying desperately to rescind the turbulent emotions.

When I was sure I had my emotions in check, I turned to her, knitting my eyebrows together, and injected an annoyed note into my voice. "It was Head stuff, concerning last night." I felt horrid, lying to my two best friends, but I absolutely could not tell them what happened or what was going through my mind, especially since I had no bloody clue what it was in the first place.

"It must be dreadful, having to board with him." Alice looked at me with sympathy.

"_I_ certainly wouldn't mind!" Mary chirped, grinning.

Alice turned and looked over at James, appraising him. "No, I suppose not." She giggled.

I rolled my eyes, but I couldn't help agreeing with them. As much as James lacked in good qualities, he certainly made up for in appearance. What with his messy dark hair, piercing hazel eyes, and quidditch-toned body, no one could ever quite grasp why I always turned him down. Looking back on it, neither could I.

"Mary!" Alice shrieked, laughing wildly. "Lily would never do that!"

Alice's amused cry caught my attention and broke my reverie. "What would I never do?" My eyebrows were raised and though my face looked interested, my voice was cool and distant.

"Mary said that you've probably been boffing Potter." Alice choked out between giggles. Mary smirked.

My eyes just widened in mute horror. "Are you boxed?"

Mary just laughed.

* * *

"James!" I ran to catch up with him. "Hey." I said, rather breathlessly.

"Hi." He looked down at me, his eyes searching my face in the dim light. I smiled slightly.

"Do you mind if we swing by the common room? I just need to drop off my books." I had just come from the library, as usual, and my arms were loaded with heavy textbooks. As if noticing for the first time, he reached out to take them. I had never imagined James Potter could be so utterly caring. "Thank you." I murmured, embarrassed.

One corner of his mouth pulled up into a crooked smile, tugging at the edges of my heart.

"You're awfully quiet." I observed quietly. Normally we would be fighting tooth and nail by this point. What had changed?

We had reached the common room and he placed my books on the table.

James turned to me and looked deeply into my eyes, his hazel gaze intense. "Yeah, well, I decided I don't want to argue with you anymore." He sighed. "So, let's go, okay?"

"James." I breathed, wondering why on earth I was calling his name. He turned to me and for an instant, I caught a glimpse of all the pain and hurt I had caused him. More than anything, I wanted to make that anguish disappear. "I— Oh… I'm so sorry."

I reached forward to touch his cheek and he turned towards my touch. My fingers hummed. I leaned toward him, standing on the tip of my toes. I stopped just before our lips met, asking his permission, his forgiveness. Then, miraculously, it was James who bent down, pressing his lips to my own.

The kiss was soft and sweet. A proclamation of his love rather than a display of his animalistic need.

When James pulled away, I felt as though he had stolen some unknown piece of me. I didn't like it. I stared at him with wide eyes, while he caressed my cheek.

He kissed me again, just the barest touch of lips to lips. I sighed contentedly when he pulled away and he looked down at me. We conveyed a silent message within that one look: We would not tell anyone. After all, wasn't this just a fluke of my better judgement? Hadn't my brain just suddenly stopped working? But the most important question of all was, did I _want_ him to kiss me again?

What in the bloody hell was going on?

"We should go." He whispered desperately. I suppose he was trying to control himself, to make sure that he wouldn't do something he would later regret, or, rather, that I didn't want him to.

I bit my lip and nodded. "Yeah."

We patrolled the desolate hallways of Hogwarts silently, speaking only to offer the password to be allowed entrance into our dormitory. I collapsed on the overstuffed maroon couch, drinking in the soothing heat from the fire. James sat down next to me and I couldn't help but look at him. He stared back at me, his gaze unwavering.

What happened next was hardly my fault. I had absolutely no control over my body nor my actions whatsoever.

This kiss was much more deep and wanton than the first two we shared. He ran his fingers through my hair and clutched my waist to bring me closer. He broke away from my lips only to lay kisses below my jaw and at the nape of my neck. I moaned softly and he took this as an invitation to continue.

"What the hell are we doing?" I asked when I could form a coherent thought.

"Well, right now, _I'm_ kissing your shoulder." He paused, his nose skimming across my bare flesh. "And now, I'm kissing your neck…" I could feel him smiling.

"Oh. Ha ha." I said dryly, though I was smiling too.

He stopped kissing me and instead stared intently into my eyes. "Honestly, I have no fucking idea. I do know that we are here, now, and some twisted power akin to fate has made you want me, however fleetingly." He sighed and kissed me deeply. "So let's just be here, okay?" He said, with his forehead resting against my own.

I nodded and kissed him in reply.

It was another hour before I stumbled into my bed with swollen lips and a light heart. I still had no clue what was going on between James and I, but at that moment, I didn't really care.

James waited for me in the common room to go down to breakfast in the morning. I felt his gaze flicker down my body and I blushed, embarrassed by the obvious attention.

He noticed and said kindly, "Don't be shy. You look magnificent." He put his hand lightly on my waist, subtly pulling me closer.

"Oh, please." I mumbled, but I smiled anyway.

He leaned down and kissed me, lighter than the caress of a butterfly's wings.

I remembered something suddenly and peered up at his six-foot form with alarm. "Don't— Don't tell Sirius or Remus or anyone, alright?" I sighed anxiously. "Well, it's just that we don't know what this is exactly or where it's going, if its going anywhere…" I babbled.

James smiled, chuckling slightly at my awkward delivery. He kissed me again, acquiescently. "Okay, Lily." He murmured against my lips. "Whatever you want."

We kissed for a few more minutes and then left the dormitory with absolutely no physical contact. As I said before, no one would know.

As Alice and Mary came into view I turned to James, whispering fiercely. "I'll see you after breakfast, right?"

"Of course." He ran his hands through his already messy, unkempt hair. He gave me that crooked half smile that made my stomach flip in anticipation. He could tell that I already needed him more than I ever wanted to.

I don't believe that there was ever a meal that lasted as long as breakfast. It seemed to last a lifetime. Being away from James was absolute torture, and it was even worse knowing that I was pining for him.

I met him in the dormitory. I claimed that I had a nasty headache and just needed a good rest. Alice and Mary thought nothing of it and for that, I was eternally grateful.

I'm not exactly sure why, but it seems as though whenever I am around James Potter, I am unable to restrain myself. James was waiting for me when I entered the common room and I all but threw myself into his arms. He smiled knowingly.

"You missed me." It wasn't a question.

I pursed my lips and tilted my head, as if thinking deeply. I motioned for him to turn around and he did. I examined him as though I was assessing his value, much like Alice and Mary had just twenty-four hours previous. I grinned devilishly. "I suppose so."

He laughed loudly and pulled me into a tight hug. "It's okay." He whispered into my ear. "I missed you too." He laid a gossamer kiss upon my lips and let me go.


	3. Chapter 3

_Disclaimer: Again, I do not own this. If I did, I doubt I would be writing on here._

_A/N: I am, unfortunately, still grounded. I have therefore risked my existence to put this up. I hope this chapter is written better than the previous two. Please please please review. I've had three hundred hits so far and only five reviews. It's not that difficult, so make my day and and hit the button. Thanks so much._

_Enjoy. _

* * *

My nights of the following weeks were spent with James. Often, we did not end up falling into bed until two or three in the morning. Never did I manage to get a full nights sleep, but I didn't mind. If it involved James, nothing mattered.

I was having an extraordinarily blissful dream when I heard my name whispered softly into my ear.

"Lily." James' warm breath tickled my cheek and I struggled not to smile. "Come on, Lily. Wake up. You're going to miss breakfast." He brushed my vibrant red hair away from my face affectionately.

"What if I don't want to?" I turned my face to his and gazed into his eyes.

"Well, then you'll have to go to class with an empty stomach _or_not go to class at all." He laughed and I smiled. As tempting as that last offer sounded, I knew I would never be able to go through with it. "Go get dressed. I'll wait for you in the common room." He bent down, kissed my forehead and threw once last glance direct towards me, leaving me with nothing but privacy and feelings I didn't have words for.

I raced to shower and dress, bounding down the stairs when I was finished. I hadn't known he would be waiting _right_ at the bottom and we both fell, quite ungracefully, to the ground.

"Thanks so much, Lily." He laughed. "I had forgotten what the ground felt like."

"Sorry." I groaned, trying desperately to gather what little dignity I had left and stand up.

"Lily, Lily." James chuckled, taking my hands and pulling me up. Instead of releasing me, he drew me closer still, until I was a mere centimeter away from him. Closing the distance, I leaned into him, resting my head on his chest while he kissed my hair.

"Come on, Lily. Breakfast." He said, a stern note injected into his voice playfully.

I kissed him, finally giving in.

No one knew, of course, about our secret affair. It had been going on for weeks and I still did not know where it was going, though I was sure I didn't want to ruin it by letting other people in.

James sat next to me at breakfast, as was our custom. I turned to Alice and Mary and he turned to the Marauders, talking animatedly. His knee brushed up against my own and he left it there; I repressed a smile. My hand found his beneath the table and his quidditch calloused thumb stroked absent-minded designs onto my palm.

"Hello! Lily!" Alice screeched, waving her hand in front of my face. "You alive in there?"

"Yes, yes. Sorry." I smiled apologetically. I was never really with them anymore; James was always starring in my thoughts, distracting me. "What was it you were saying?"

"Well, we _were_ wondering why you've been so happy and distant lately, what with your mum and the cancer and everything." Mary had never been one for tact.

Despite her cordial intentions, I stiffened at her words. James felt it and I saw him glance nervously at me, wondering what had upset me.

"Well, I… uh, decided that since my mum is sick and all, I should be happy. You know, live my life to the fullest, in honour of her, because, erm, she can't." James' hand tightened around mine; he'd heard. I hadn't deliberately kept my mother's illness a secret from him, I just didn't want him to look at me with the same pity as Alice and Mary sometimes had a way of doing.

"Uh, Lily?" I heard James' deep voice cut across my thoughts. "Do you think I could speak to you for a moment?"

"Erm. I suppose." I had been dreading this. Everything would change, but I still stood and strode out of the hall, James following close behind. Once we were out of sight of the Great Hall James grabbed my arm and spun me around to face him.

"Your mum's sick." He said, confirming that he had, in fact, heard what I had said.

Tears filled my eyes, much to my chagrin, as I nodded.

He just pulled me closer, pushing my head against his chest. The tears leaked out from the corners of my eyes and I let them fall silently. James murmured soothing words into my hair and I hugged him tighter. It had been years since anyone had held me so tenderly while I cried and I relished in it.

The noisy chatter and pounding footsteps gave the exiting students away before they could discover James and I, still locked in our embrace.

I stepped back and looked at the cold stone floor, allowing my hair to cover my face. A blush colored my skin; I was beyond embarrassed at my outburst of emotion.

"Are you okay?" He asked after a moment, sweeping my hair behind my shoulder.

I thought for a moment, wondering if I was. When I spoke, my answer was true. "Yes, I am. Now, at least. Thank you." I added meaningfully.

He smiled, obviously pleased that he could help. He dropped down and brushed his lips across mine so quickly that I wasn't even sure he had done it. Though the tingling sensations left behind may have been a clue.

"Come on. We have Transfiguration." He said, laughing slightly. "Can you believe that since we started this whole… thing, I've become absolutely brilliant at Transfiguration?" A grin spread across his face and I couldn't help but laugh. "Actually, I've become considerably better in all my classes."

"Yes." I agreed. "You have. I must be rubbing off on you."

"Let's hope so. I could use some of your intelligence." His smirk grew more pronounced.

"Oh please." I scoffed. "You're one of the smartest students in our class. I'm sure if you _actually_ but a little effort in, you could surpass me by far." We had reached McGonagall's classroom and we stood just outside.

"No one could ever exceed your keen perception, love." He leaned in to kiss me once again, but I turned away, giving him one last glance before entering the classroom. Kissing in front of a room full of gossip hungry seventh years would not do very well for the not-telling aspect of our entirely messed up relationship.

I must say, I never would have thought I would have ever become so wholly smitten with James. For years he had done nothing but annoy me with his constant invitations to accompany him to Hogsmead. Though it was immensely flattering, I had never taken it seriously. Only now was I beginning to grasp that he may have been serious and that I may be serious in return.

It was hard to be away from him. Classes were absolute torture and I was at a loss as to why. I spent just about all of my time in the dormitory with James, leaving only for meals and classes. We studied and did our homework together. Never had I had such an odd relationship before. At first, our friends were curious as to why we were never around. We told them that we were planning the Winter Ball, something we would actually have to start doing soon, though it wasn't for another month.

My classes, as usual, passed in a hazy blur. The only parts that were remotely clear were those that involved James.

When I entered the common room James already there, standing by the window.

"Hey." I called, coming up behind him.

"It's snowing." He turned and pulled me in front of him, forcing me to look out the window at the sprawling grounds.

"It's beautiful." I whispered, watching the snow fall delicately on the trees of the Forbidden Forest.

"Yeah." He breathed, kissing the hollow beneath my ear softly.

"Let's go outside!" I suddenly chirped. Untangling myself from him arms, I ran to grab my cloak and he followed, amused by my enthusiasm.

It was even more beautiful outside. The majestic white covered everything, magnifying the magic of the school by a tenfold. Icicles glittered on the archways and glinted in the sun. The snow was smooth and untouched, spreading uninterrupted for miles, a sea of ivory.

"Come on!" I grabbed his warm hand and dragged him out with me, slipping and sliding down the steep hill.

In the short time that it had been snowing the ground had been blanketed by over a foot of snow. Laughing like a five year old and hauling James along with me, I made my way to a more secluded section of campus.

"I love the snow." I sighed, my small bout of uncontrollable excitement winding down. "I feel like it's been a year since I've seen it."

At this, James laughed. "That's because it _has_, Lily."

"Oh. Ha ha." I laid back in the snow, sinking deep. "That's right."

He joined me silently, though I was sure he was smiling. It's impossible not to smile while watching the snow fall.

"Make a snow angel with me." I requested, my voice slow and easy.

He took my hand in acquiescent agreement and we moved our arms and legs together in tandem.

It was like being a child again, when things weren't so hard. When your mum wasn't dying of some dreadful muggle disease and when you weren't sure if you were in love or not. An easier time when all you had to do was go outside and stick your tongue out to catch the falling snowflakes. I missed it terribly.

Hours later, we made our way back to the castle. I felt as though I were walking on air.

"Oh!" I whirled around to face him. "I know what to do for the Winter Ball!"

What they say is true: snow really is inspiring.


	4. Chapter 4

_Disclaimer: Is it really necessary for me to say that i do not own these characters?_

_ A/N: Here is the fourth chapter. It started out as just a filler chapter, but turned into something more, as most of my things do. I'm quite upset though, as there have been almost six hundred hits and less than fifteen reviews. I'd really appreciate it if you would tell me what aspects you liked and disliked, so I know what to give you! Although, I am glad that so many of you have taken a liking to this. Please read, enjoy and review!_

* * *

The Winter Ball was going to be fantastic. James and I had spent all evening planning it. Everyone was beyond enthused and we still had a little less than a month until the dance.

During dinner, the day after Dumbledor announced the official date of the Ball, Ernest Fillerman came up behind me, tapping my shoulder twice to get my attention. James, sitting next to me, as usual, felt me turn around.

"Hello Lily." He smiled shyly. I wondered briefly why this fellow Gryffindor, whom I had only spoken to about once in my life, had come over to speak with me.

"Hi."

"Uhm. Listen, Lily…" His awkward stance and stuttering speech should have been what first tipped me off, but I could feel James' leg against my own and I was more than distracted. "Would you go to the Winter Ball… with, er… me?"

James suddenly became absolutely rigid. He was gripping his fork with unnecessary fervor and his other hand was balled into a fist next to his plate.

"Uh. Wait. What?" Now it was my turn to stutter.

"Will you go to the Winter Ball with me?" He asked again, looking hopeful.

James and I hadn't discussed this. About what we would say when our numerous admirers asked for our company. I hadn't realized until now and I desperately wished we had. I stole a quick peek at James and saw that he was absolutely livid, though I had no idea why. It wasn't as if I had accepted Fillerman's offer yet.

My cheeks were bright red and I could feel the flush creeping up to my hairline. "Well, uhm, I— I don't know. Can— Can I perhaps, uh, get back to you?" I felt absolutely horrid, turning this poor boy down with no other reason than I wasn't sure what the agreement was with my secret relationship. But I could not say yes while James was still… James.

"Yeah! Yeah, sure!" He seemed cheered by the idea rather than seeing it for what it was— a polite brush-off. He walked away, a slight spring in his step.

"Lily." James' voice was harsh and I could tell his self control was wearing thin. "We need to talk. Now. About the Ball." I knew he only added that last bit in for the sake of our friends.

"Okay." I replied somewhat nervously. I could only hope that Alice and Mary hadn't noticed. James' temper was infamous and I was not looking forward to being confronted by it. Dread may be the word to accurately describe how I was feeling.

I walked out of the Great Hall with shaking legs. I was barely stable enough to keep from falling in front of the thousands of students that filled the hall. Once we had made it back to the common room, he turned to me, his fury showing with every movement.

"James, please don't be angry with me." I begged. "I— I didn't know what to say. He just came and asked and—"

"Lily. Lily, I'm not angry with _you_." His anger seemed to be simmering out with every second. "I could never be angry with you."

"Then why— " I started.

"I was angry with Fillerman and myself. Mostly myself." He bent down and kissed me softly. "How about… you and I both go to the Ball stag?" He chuckled, laughing at some joke I didn't understand.

"Okay," I nodded.

"Will you save a dance for me?" James asked wistfully.

"Of course." I smiled.

A few hours later, while sitting on the couch, I peered out the window at the star streaked sky.

"The moon looks absolutely gorgeous." I murmured against his chest. "I think that the full moon just looks so… so… " I searched for the appropriate word, finally settling. "Peaceful." I declared.

"What did you just say?"

"That the full moon looks peaceful…" I was about to say more but was stopped short as James sat up suddenly. "What— "

"I have to go. I forgot I had… erm…" He spluttered. "Detention. With Slughorn." He kissed my forehead as he stood. "Don't wait up." He rushed out of the dormitory, leaving my more confused than ever.

It was past nine o'clock, who on earth would give a detention for nine?

I realized something then. James was one of Slughorn's favorite students. There was no way he would give James a detention. Especially considering that James hadn't done anything remotely detrimental since he had become Head Boy.

With no thoughts of why not, I dashed out of the dormitory, following James. I heard his heavy footsteps pounding on the floor, running out of the castle. I followed relentlessly, not caring that it was after hours and that I was not allowed to be out of my dormitory let alone out of the castle. James made his way to the Whomping Willow and I still trailed after him, with no thoughts of the danger. I glanced behind me, back towards the castle, double-checking that we weren't about to get caught.

I heard an ominous howling and I looked around, slightly frightened. When I turned back to James, he was gone. I heard the howling again, only louder. I was truly frightened now.

The loud snap of the twig alerted me to the presence of some other being. I listened closer and I could hear its' heavy breathing. Whatever it was, it was not trying to conceal itself. I was completely still, too terrified to move. When I heard the howling again, it was much louder. It came from the same direction as the breathing. I turned slowly, still not ready to face the creature. My eyes widened in horror. It was a werewolf. I'm positive my heart stopped beating for a moment.

I was at the top of our class. I was a seventh year student at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. I was Head Girl for goodness sake. Yet I still had no idea what to do. All I could do was stand there and wait for the beast to rip my throat out.

Galloping hoof beats sounded far off at first, but became louder and louder with each second. If it was possible for me to become more panic-stricken than I already was, I did. Suddenly, a stag skidded to a stop in front of me, standing between the werewolf and I. My heart felt as though it were beating so fast that it would break right through my ribcage. A black scruffy dog suddenly leapt out of the underbrush landing with a snarl atop of the werewolf. The two brutes rolled away snapping and growling at each other fiercely.

The stag turned to me and looked at me with a gaze so intense it was all I could do not to look away. This creature could not be just an animal. I could see human intelligence behind those eyes and an affection that elusively reminded me of something. I reached out hesitantly and gently pet his head. He turned towards the touch and peered up at me with familiar hazel eyes.

"James?" I gasped. Shock widened my eyes and left my jaw agape. "Oh my."

He jerked his head towards the castle and I understood what he couldn't say. He wanted me to go back to the castle. He wanted me to go where it was safe.

"Okay." I whispered. "But we _will_ talk."

The walk up to the dormitory was long and lonely. I thought hard about what I had seen, but none of it made sense. Was Sirius a part of all this? Remus? Peter?

How did _James_ learn to become an Animagus? Surely that must take great skill and a large amount of concentration. But the most important question begged, why didn't he tell me?

The night passed as a paced throughout the common room, these questions spinning in my mind. I was exhausted but I doubted I would be able to sleep, not after what had happened. When James staggered in just as the sky was turning a dull pink, I stopped breathing. His shirt was torn down the middle, exposing a chest smeared with blood.

"James!" All questions flew out of my head as I saw his injuries. I rushed to his side as he collapsed onto the couch.

"I'm quite alright, Lily." My expression must have been more than skeptical for he continued. "They're just scratches. I'm perfectly fine."

"Alright." I huffed. "Then what _hell_ is going on? That was a werewolf James! A bloody werewolf! They don't have any sense of human reason! They'd go after their best friend, with no thoughts of conscience! You could have gotten yourself killed!" Tears started to fill my eyes as I examined that possibility. "What would I have done then? Do you have any idea how I would feel if you _died_?"

"Lily." He said softly, his calm voice a direct contrast to mine, which had risen several octaves as I grew more and more hysterical. "Lily, it's all right. Calm down." He pulled me onto his lap, encasing me in his arms. "Lily, I'm fine and I'm here. Don't cry." He wiped my tears away with his thumbs. "It's _okay_. Lily."

"Tell me." I demanded between sniffles. "Tell me everything."

"The werewolf is Remus." He paused when he heard my intake of breath and I could tell that this was hard for him. "Every month, Sirius Peter and I change into our Animagus form to help him. Make it easier on him. It's how we became the Marauders, helping each other through everything." I understood now. James was just being James, a good friend and an even better person. "I'm a stag. Sirius is the dog you saw and Peter is a rat. With us, Remus isn't alone." He smiled slightly. "Then, there's that added bonus where he can't kill anyone else."

"James." I whispered, my voice breathy with too many emotions. I buried my head into the crook of his neck, the tears still seeping from my closed eyes.

"Lily, it's okay." He murmured into my hair.

"No it's not." I whimpered. And then, so softly I was sure he couldn't have heard it, I said, "You could have died."

"Yes, well imagine my horror when I saw you, standing before Moony— er, Remus, completely defenseless. Completely alone." He shuddered as he remembered the events that had unfolded only hours before. "Why did you follow me?"

"I thought you were lying, which you _were_. And I— I wondered where you had run off to so fast." I paused and swallowed, embarrassed by what I was about to say. "I thought you were running off to meet one of your many… fans."

James surprised me by snorting. "Why on earth would I do that?"

"Well. I believe it's kind of obvious, James." My eyebrows were knit together. How could he _not_ see it?

"I'm quite sure it's not, Lily."

"You're— you're James _Potter_." I spluttered.

"So?" He seemed genuinely perplexed.

"And I'm Lily Evans."

"And?" It was absolutely lovely how he chose right then to become so completely thickheaded.

"You're the quidditch captain. Best seeker Hogwarts has ever seen. You're this perfect guy with a heart of gold. And what am I but this bookish unattractive _prat_."

He looked at me as if I had gone completely insane, which, I suppose I had. I never meant to say all of that _aloud_. "Lily Evans, you are utterly absurd." He stared deep into my eyes and I fought the urge to look away. His sincerity was unbearably legitimate. "You are perfect, just the way you are and I love you."

Sure, James had told me many times that he loved me, but that was all before we had started this… thing. I didn't know what to say. Did I love him back? He wasn't waiting for an answer. He thought I didn't care about him. I had opened my mouth, about to protest when an obnoxious knocking came from the portrait outside.

"Prongs!" I could hear Sirius' booming voice calling out to James. "Prongs! Open the damn door!"

James slipped me off his lap and sauntered over to allow Sirius in. When he greeted Sirius he showed none of the emotion from our conversation. I envied his versatility.

Sirius' eyes rested on me and narrowed infinitesimally. "Did you tell her?" The question wasn't directed to me.

"Yes." James replied. After a moment, he came to my defense. "Kindly stop glaring at her, Padfoot."

"Tell anyone and I'll make your life hell." There was venom in his voice. He was protecting his friend; I didn't hold it against him.

"I would never." My own voice was quiet, lacking the usual confidence it normally had, but my words rang true.

"Good." He seemed back to the good-natured, cheerful boy he always was. "Prongs, you better get some sleep, mate. You look dreadful." With one nod to me and pat on James' back, he left the dormitory just as quickly as he had come.

James slumped onto the couch, obviously exhausted. I sat down next to him, tentatively.

"James, I— "

"Lily, don't. It's okay." He whispered. "Just sit here with me."

And so we fell asleep.


	5. Chapter 5

_A/N: I am so unbelievably sorry! I completely did not mean to wait almost a week to update. I was just hit with this horrific writers block and _nothing_ would come to me. I reread the other chapters and would like to apologize for my atrocious grammar and spelling errors. This story really is quite horrible, and I apologize for that as well. There will only be two more chapters to this, and they should be coming soon, perhaps within this week. Also, if you read this, _please_ review. Tell me what you think and what I should fix. Be constructive please, not rude. There are more of the Marauders in this chapter, and much more Sirius. This originally was going to be just James and Lily, but people wanted more of everyone else, so there you have it. There is also mild sexuality in here, so if you have a problem with it, don't read it. Thank you and enjoy!_

* * *

As the date of the Winter Ball grew closer and closer, my relationship with the Marauders flourished. Alice, Mary and I now sat with them at meals, James and I always sitting together, of course, all the while never breaking contact. 

If at all possible James had become more and more endearing. Watching him with his friends, witnessing his loyalty and absolute love for them, just heightened my fondness of him. It was becoming more difficult to hide my feelings for him. I couldn't stop myself from gazing at James with adoration from across the classroom or at dinner. I could barely restrain myself from caressing his cheek when he was near me. The only things that grounded me were Sirius' sarcastic and inappropriate comments and Remus' logical responses.

"What do you say we head up to the dormitory, Lil." Sirius winked at me suggestively and I could hardly contain my laughter. "It's time I show you what a _real_ man can do."

"Sirius. Shut the fuck up." James' temper flared and I was a bit frightened for Sirius. "Lay off her."

"James," I whispered softly. "Don't be upset. He was only joking." I squeezed his knee gently beneath the table, encouraging him to just let it go. He still glared daggers at Sirius.

"Come on, mate." Sirius grinned devilishly, causing several fifth year girls to squeal madly. "You know I wasn't serious."

James seemed to be calming down a bit. A smile tugged at my lips as the realization that his anger was in my defense.

"Besides," Sirius went on in a rather bored tone. "It's not as if you have an actual chance. I mean, you've been after her for...how many years has it been? Six? Seven?" The way he was speaking made it obvious that they had had this conversation many times before. "And she's turned you down about seven hundred times. I think it's about time you moved on. There are plenty of decent girls in our year that would absolutely kill to go with you..." He trailed of as if just realizing the speech he just made and in front of me. "Oh. Damn."

I frowned a bit; the thought that James could have anybody else made my stomach clench with disturbing unease. James was completely speechless, at a loss of what to say. He knew he could not say that he already had me nor could he agree with Sirius for the sake of my feelings. Instead James chose to rise silently from the table, slipping his hand out of mine and leaving his unfinished breakfast behind. I gave one last hopeless look to Sirius and stood to follow James.

As I was walking away I heard Remus' calm voice reprimanding Sirius. "You _really_ screwed that one up, Padfoot."

"I know." Sirius groaned in reply.

* * *

"James!" I called. He was stepping into the portrait hole that led to our dormitory. I followed, calling his name once more. After that, I didn't know what else to say. 

"Lily." He started. "I'm so sorry. Sirius is a git. He— He doesn't know what he's talking about. He's just—"

"James. It's completely fine. Everything he said I already knew." I sighed, suddenly weary with the topic. "I feel awful though. Turning you down all those times without even a thought of who you may be, who you could be." I paused, trying to remember back through the last seven years. "You've never dated anyone, have you?" Sure, he'd had the occasional fling, but never anything more, not that I could recall anyway.

"Course not. I only wanted you. None of the other girls in our year or any other could hold my attention the way you have proven to be able to." He tucked a scarlet lock behind my ear before continuing. "Don't feel bad. I always knew that one day you'd give up and I'd be the happiest man alive."

My chest tightened at his words and my eyes misted over. "Merlin." I muttered. "Must I always get so worked up?"

He laughed, raising his hand and tenderly brushing it over my eyelids, gently forcing them closed. Pulling me against his chest, he kissed my hair, sending pleasant shivers down my spine. "We better go." He whispered softly into my ear, his breath tickling me deliciously. "We have class and I still need to talk to Sirius. You know, apologize for my rude behavior, perhaps punch him for making you feel badly."

His words had the effect he was hoping for, and I laughed. We left the dormitory, ceasing touching each other the moment we stepped out of the portrait hole.

* * *

"Lily, may I work with you today?" I heard James' deep baritone behind me in Potions. "Sirius seems to have chosen to work with that lovely Hufflepuff over there and I saw that Alice and Mary are working together, leaving you all by your lonesome." He winked at me, barely managing to hide his growing smirk. 

"Sure, James." I gestured to the seat beside me and he sat gracefully, looking more handsome than I had ever seen him.

I could hear the excited murmurs circulating the room. "Lily Evans working with James Potter?! Willingly?!" I laughed in response, looking at James with an amused glint in my eyes. James smirked; he could hear it too.

_If only they knew,_ I thought wryly. _They'd be doing a _lot_ more than whispering._

James' foot slid up my calf and I almost dropped the wolfsbane into our progressing potion in pleasant surprise. He chuckled quietly and I laughed at myself, a rosy flush heating my cheeks.

Again the murmurs started up in response to my charming blush and James' kind chortle. He leaned in to my ear, whispering with amused laughter. "Imagine what they would do if they knew." I had no choice but to laugh loudly at the similarity in my thoughts and his words. This, unfortunately, only added to the gossip fodder.

A note landed into my lap then, folded into a flying bird. It startled me out of my conversation.

_Lil_. It read. _What in the bloody hell are you doing? And with_ Potter _no__ less!_

I laughed, glancing up at Alice and Mary, from whom the note had undoubtedly come from.

_I'm just working with him._ I wrote, silent laughter shaking my shoulders slightly. _Calm down. It was you two who left me all alone after all. _

I wasn't being serious, of course. The chastising was just an act. I had no aversion to being left to work with James at all, but I believed it was still necessary to put up the front, even if it was feebly half-hearted.

"Ditch History of Magic with me." James commanded, his voice unintentionally alluring.

"Now, why would I do that?"

"To be with me." I had to admit, he had a good argument. I could feel myself being pulled into his inane logic, however true and tempting it may be. Besides, what would a class of History of Magic with the torpid Professor Binns do for me? Especially seeing as I had already read the textbook twice. It was the last class of the day, regardless.

"Okay." I found myself saying, without really giving my mouth permission to accept. He could just bat those damned hazel eyes and I would follow him to my death. Which was kind of like what I was doing, only it was academic death. And, let's face it, they're pretty much both the same. "I'll skip with you."

"Good." He grinned. "Come on."

I looked away from his face only to see that the class was over and people were trickling out the door. Somewhere in the midst of my pretend-to-be-looking-past-his-head-while-really-ogling-him, the class had ended. I hurried to put my materials away and by the time I was finished the entire classroom had emptied, all except for James that is.

He sighed deeply and I turned around, only to see him staring longingly at me.

"Uhm. Where are we going to go?" I asked if only to break the awkward (awkward for me, anyway) silence.

"Where do you _want_ to go?"

"I'm quite sure it doesn't really matter. Just…take me with you." At this, he grabbed my hand and pulled me along behind him. We stopped in front of a wall and he let go of my hand only to pace in front of the barren expanse three times. I gasped when a thick oak door appeared and opened before us. James smiled at my reaction and took my hand once again, proceeding to drag me along behind him into the room. If it had been anyone else pulling me into some unknown room, I would have been slightly nervous or frightened seeing how Hogwarts was a magical school and you never know what could be hiding behind closed doors. This was James though and for some anomalous reason, I trusted him completely.

"Merlin!" I breathed, surveying the sprawling room before me. James snaked an arm around my waist and squeezed me slightly.

"Do you like it?" He whispered and though I wasn't looking at him, I knew he was smiling.

The walls of the room were covered in bookcases in which thousands of books stood euphuistically. I could make out a few of the titles and noticed that they were all some of my very favorite books and others that I aspired to read. The rows of bookcases were only interrupted by the massive stone fireplace, which was housing a roaring fire. A great couch sat invitingly in front of the fire, its' soft cushions warmed by the flames. A cashmere blanket was draped on the armrest, barely brushing the floor.

All of a sudden, one of James' arms was under my knees, the other still tightly wrapped around my waist, and I was in the air, cradled in his arms against his chest. I encircled my arms around his neck, tucking my head into his shoulder.

"I love it." My eyes were bright and alert, taking in every detail of my surroundings, including James. It was a monumental compliment to James that I could take my eyes off the perfect room and rest them upon him. "How did you know? How did you know that I've been_dreaming_ of being in a room like this for years?"

"This is the Room of Requirement. " He explained. "It essentially gives the person trying to enter whatever they want… and I want what you want." He sauntered over to the couch with ease and sat down, sinking into the cushions with me sitting comfortably on his lap. I smiled abashedly.

"I'm glad I came with you." I murmured. "I probably wouldn't have come if anyone but you had asked."

"Really?" He inquired. "And why is that?"

"Because you're you." He laughed loudly, his shaking body shaking me in turn. "I trust you. Though I probably shouldn't." He frowned in question. "Because if I trust you, I'm just setting myself up. Just waiting to get hurt."

"You're not going to get hurt." He murmured. "I'm here for as long as you want me." He kissed me softly, deepening it after a moment. His strong hands slipped under my shirt and rested on my lower back, making my skin hum. He began smoothing small circles onto my back, working his way up. His lips traveled down my neck, laying light kisses on my shoulder and collarbone, causing my body to quiver in response. Never had I felt so safe and just _good_ while being with anyone else like this. I moaned when his finger brushed the underside of my breast and he expertly removed my bra, turning me so I was straddling him. His mouth touched mine as he unbuttoned my school shirt and slipped it off my shoulders. He followed the curve of my side, bringing his hands down to my hips and pulling my skirt down slightly as I unbuttoned his shirt. I extricated myself from my skirt, now clad only in my underwear. I could feel James beneath me as I moved to unbuckle his belt and he groaned as I slipped off his pants. He caressed the length of my body and I trembled beneath his touch. I was about to take his boxers off when he grabbed my wrists. "Lily. I don't think we—"

I cut him off with a kiss, displaying my consent. I had never had sex with James before nor had I ever experienced such a feeling with anyone else. It was completely overpowering. It was sweet and caring and far greater than anything anyone could ever imagine.

My head resting on James' sturdy chest, I breathed in his heady scent, longing for the world to stop right then, in that moment of pure ecstasy.

"Dinner is in five minutes." James whispered, stroking my hair. "We should go, so people don't get suspicious."

"Yeah, I suppose we better." I smiled. "Just don't get angry when Sirius inevitably makes some comment about my anatomy."

He laughed. "I promise." I handed him his pants and we dressed quickly, heading towards the Great Hall.

"My mum sent me a letter yesterday." I said while we meandered to dinner.

"How is she?" James asked, his voice and eyes burning with intensity and caring.

"Weak, but okay." The good news had slipped my mind until now, for obvious reasons, and I absolutely beamed. It was turning out to be an even better day than I had ever imagined.

He grinned, his smile gleaming, and took my hand for an instant, rubbing it softly.

When we sat down at the table, I couldn't help but smirk at the naïveté of our friends. Peter was by Sirius, wolfing down his food and slurping his pumpkin juice quite rudely. Sirius was eyeing some poor Ravenclaw girl who would undoubtedly be his conquest for the week, with great fervor. Remus was reading a novel, his interest etched deeply onto his elegant features. Alice and Mary were discussing some form of gossip tumultuously. They all sat, doing different things, but they all had one thing in common: a secret they were oblivious to.

James and I sat down seemingly unnoticed. Sirius whipped around after a moment, an expression of extreme determination masking his face.

"I'm going to fuck her." He said somewhat smugly.

"Sirius, you are a complete prat." I sighed, still ginning.

He looked at me and his eyebrows knit together. He then pursed his lips. "You have sex hair." He accused.

Even this, being almost caught, could not wipe the smile off my face. "Do I?"

"Yup." He said, smirking as well. "Confess. Who's the lucky git?"

"You, darling." I said in mock seduction. "Actually, I went outside earlier. The wind must have messed up my hair."

"Uh-huh." He replied, obviously not buying it.

"The snow looks absolutely magnificent." I added a wistful note into my voice. "Who are you going to the Winter Ball with?"

Sirius, never passing up a chance to talk about himself and his numerous dates, went on endlessly about the Ball and the fantastic women he was taking. I had barely managed to dodge that assertion. I glanced over at James and his face still held the same smirk as mine. It was nice knowing there was just one other person in the world you could share something with.


	6. Chapter 6

_A/N: Again I apologize vehemently for the long wait on this chapter. Though, you did have some other short little bits to tide you over. This is mainly a filler chapter. I decided that there will be two more after this, just to get everything I planned out. This specific chapter went in the completely opposite direction that I was aiming for. It just sort of took over, taking the plot were it wished, as I'm sure most of you know how stories do. I am hoping that this isn't complete rubbish, but you can be the judge of that. Please review. Tell me your favorite line or what you liked best. I love to hear about it. Anyways, enjoy!_

* * *

He thought I was asleep. That much was clear. I could hear him muttering about some girl, pacing in front of the couch on which I lay. One of my eyelids lifted, just barely opening my eye. I saw him run a hand ruggedly though his inky black hair, looking beyond distressed. Is this what he does when he thinks I'm sleep? It made my chest tighten. I did not like seeing him upset.

"We still have all next term," he mumbled. "She _obviously_ doesn't despise me any longer— but what if… No, she can't. She wouldn't… She must at _least_… If she doesn't, she will. She _will_." His ramblings were unbelievably befuddling. I had absolutely no idea what he was on about. Was it me? I quickly abolished that thought, fully believing it not to be true.

"Mmm," I pretended to wake, groaning as I usually did. "James. Hi." I smiled, an automatic response to his presence. His face softened at my expression and I felt immeasurable happiness for the fact that I could pull a reaction like that out of him. Something occurred to me belatedly then. "Why am I on the couch?"

"Oh. You fell asleep after you finished your school work last night." He shrugged modestly. "I didn't have the heart to wake you."

I glanced around the room and saw a pile of rumpled blankets on the armchair. "Did you sleep in here?"

"Oh. Yeah. I did."

"_Why_?" I asked incredulously.

"I didn't want you to be alarmed if you had woken up alone in the Common Room." My face crumpled into a mask of appreciation.

"I—thank you." I replied, not knowing what else to say. Smiling timidly, I stared up at him, experiencing a rush of affection for him. "Hold on a mo. What time is it?" I said as I came back down to reality.

"About noon. You've been asleep for a while. You look so peaceful when—"

"Noon?!" I half-shouted. "Shit. Shit, shit, shit, shit, _shit_."

"What?" He asked, his eyes widening in alarm at my cursing. As far as he knew, I had the vocabulary of a saint. "What's wrong?"

"The_Ball_!" I stood up from the sofa, so quickly that my head spun. "It's_today_! We have to go set up! We were supposed to be there _hours_ ago!" I stressed. "Fuck." I started to run to my room, but James' capable arms grabbed me around my waist and whirled me around so that I was facing him.

"Lily. Calm down. It's okay. You just need to relax. Then you can race straight up to your room and get dressed. We can go set up for Ball in a moment. I'll even let you discipline the younger ones, all right?" He flashed me a brief grin and tightened his arm around me, bring me closer. "Just calm down." Oddly enough, his words did tranquilize me. My heart, though, was thumping erratically, due to James' close proximity. He seemed to notice that my apprehension had lessened and he kissed my forehead. "Now go get ready," he said, pushing me away with obvious reluctance.

While dressing, I wondered briefly who the "she" was that James had been referring to. Was she a fellow prefect? Another Gryffindor? A Ravenclaw?

"Merlin, Lily." I chided myself and I was leaving my room. "Shut the bloody hell up."

"Talking to yourself again, love?" James teased, bending down to swiftly kiss me on the cheek, as if it were habit. "Don't worry. I wouldn't have you any other way but insane." His thumbs rubbed soft circles on my arms and it occurred to me that we acted just the same as any other couple. Only sans the secrets. We spent all of our time together, with the exception of the full moon, a monthly ritual I was never allowed to accompany James on again. It wasn't the purely physical relationship that a private affair should be. It wasn't like those blasted soap operas or romantic novels of deception that my mum enjoyed. As much as I hated it, there was more. Much, much more.

"Who says you have me?" I taunted playfully, hiding the fact that I thrilled at his words.

"I do." He said with the confidence I had once detested. He pulled me into a great bear hug, practically suffocating me on his muscled chest. "Now come on. As much as I'd love to stay here and… care for you, we have to go. You said so yourself, before you fell so willing into my arms."

A charming blush rose to my cheeks as I caught the meaning of his words, though if it was from embarrassment or excitement, I couldn't be sure. "Right. Let's go." I brushed against him tantalizingly as I extracted myself from his embrace and flitted out of his reach. He groaned loudly and my tinkling laugh floated in my wake as I skipped out of the dormitory and into the corridor.

Something about waking up to James just put me in a terrific mood, though the thoughts about that girl he had been muttering about still plagued my thoughts. Often, a frown would flicker across my features for a moment as I worked and be gone in a flash as I assured myself that there was no one else, that I was just being irrational. James, who had been avidly watching my emotional slid show while charming the room to match our plans, had sweet concern etched onto his face. Concern, no doubt, caused by the obvious lunacy of my thoughts written so plainly on my face. When I saw this, my heart ballooned in my chest and I was assured that he was just babbling on about nothing at all. But then, I remembered his words and the distraught tone of his voice. Whom ever it was that he was talking about caused him great pain. That girl was lucky. Beyond lucky. She had no clue _how_ lucky. To have James want you like that was a gift, a gift I had turned down for years. _I_ had been the lucky one. Now, I was just the stupid one. I tried to busy myself with the job of enchanting the ceiling, but the horrific thoughts kept slipping in.

_Damn it, Lily!_ I thought sternly. _Stop it. You have no bloody right. Jealously is not part of your duties. You are _not_his goddamned girlfriend._

And then a thought came so unbidden into my mind. _Do you want to be?_

_Oh__don't be bloody ridiculous._ I pouted, my mouth turned into an impertinent frown. Jamming my wand into my pocket, I stomped towards the door, all of a sudden in a foul mood.

"I'm going to the lavatory." I muttered to Louise, a sixth year prefect, as I passed. I saw James in my peripheral vision, his face clearly displaying his worry.

"Calm down. Calm down. Calm down. Calm down." I mumbled to myself, over and over, walking quickly to the restroom. Pushing the door into the third floor girls restroom, I ran into Moaning Myrtle.

"Ooh!" She trilled, wrinkling her nose at me. "You look _awful_."

"Oh, shove off Myrtle." I said, venom in my voice. I could not find it in myself to be polite. "I'm really not in the mood."

She responded by only giving me a cold glare and drifting up to the window.

I stared into the mirror, taking in the angry red splotches on my cheeks and my wide frightened eyes. The cool water on my face did nothing to calm me as I had planned.

"Lily?" It was surprising how the moment I heard his voice, so full of concern, all of my worries, all of those horrendous thoughts just disappeared.

"Yes?" I replied, turning to look at him. His onyx hair was disheveled, as if he had just run his hand through it, as he often did when he was anxious. His hazel eyes, enlarged by his worry, were magnified by his round, wire-rimmed glasses. His normally bronzed skin was turned an ashen pale, presumably brought about my rushed exit from the Great Hall. With all of this, he had never looked more endearing.

"Are you alright?" Again, unease coloured his tone.

"Perfectly fine."

"Oh, okay. It's just… you left in such a hurry and—and you look a bit upset. I thought…" He looked up into my eyes and I smiled at the raw emotion I witnessed there. "Well, never mind then."

Hugging him tight, I whispered, "I'm fine now. But thank you." He rubbed my back gently and I breathed in the smell of him. He always smelled the same. Just like the wood from a new broomstick and the fire from the Common Room. It made my stomach clench.

"We best be going." He murmured into my ear. It felt as though he was always saying that to me, probably because I was always lost in the world of just the two of us when I was with him. "I'm sure you'll want loads of time to get ready. Not that you'll need it."

Smiling at his compliment, I agreed and we set off.

The walk back to the Great Hall was much less stressful than that from it. With James by my side, everything felt fine, _perfectly_ fine. It was rare for me to ever feel so good, but when I was with him all the bad feelings just seemed to fly away. James seemed to notice my change in attitude and stole my hand to squeeze it slightly before dropping it as we reached the doors.

Following the completion of the complex enchantment on the ceiling, all the work seemed finished. James, after a nod from me, dismissed everyone, ordering them to go get ready and have a grand time.

"It looks magnificent." James whispered into my ear, wrapping his arms around my middle and hugging me close. What he said _was_ true. The room deemed worthy of being described as wonderful, magical, _perfect_.

"You did a brilliant job." I breathed, sighing as his hand stroked my stomach.

"_We_ did a brilliant job." He amended. I merely laughed.

"I suppose we have to go get ready, eh?"

"Yeah," he said, kissing my cheek softly. "We do." With that, we left the Great Hall, strolling onwards towards our respectable dormitory.

I slipped on my pale green silk dress, relishing in the feeling of the soft fabric sliding against my skin. It reached the floor and as I pulled on my strappy black high heels, it just brushed the top of my feet. I turned to the floor length mirror that hung on the north wall. Peering at my reflection, I saw how my scarlet curls cascaded down my back. I saw how the plunging neckline and flowing bodice accentuated my curves. I saw how vibrant my eyes looked, outlined by the thin black eyeliner, framed by my long lashes. I saw how my lips, coloured a pale pink, stood out, more plump than ever. Most of all, I saw that tonight, something was going to change.


	7. Chapter 7

_A/N: I apologize, again, for the wait and for any grammar/spelling errors. This chapter is kind of rushed and a bit scattered, but there is reason for that.There will only be one chapter following this one, after that, it's over. I doubt there will be an sequels or anything like that, sorry. Please review. Tell me what parts and lines you liked/disliked_. _Thanks so much. Enjoy!_

* * *

I told James to meet me in the Great Hall. For one, I didn't want him waiting for me while I got ready. I also didn't want everyone thinking we were going to the Ball together. _That_ would just complicate things. 

Despite myself, I was becoming more and more excited. Perhaps it was the formal wear. Or maybe it was the prospect of change that hung in the air. Whatever the reason, my enthusiasm was mounting with each gliding step to the Great Hall.

Pulling open the thick mahogany door, I was greeted with twirling couples and giggling groups of girls.

The room reflected my wildest fantasies. The ceiling was enchanted to mimic the night sky during a midnight flurry. Snow drifted down from the infinitely high roof, disappearing just seconds before landing atop some girl's intricate hairdo. The purplish gray of the ceiling made happiness surge through me, for it looked exactly like the night sky after a snowstorm. The floor was charmed to replicate the lake when it was frozen over. It had the beauty of ice without the danger of being slippery. The walls were covered with larger than life moving black and white photos of past students dancing at their own ball. Giant ice sculptures of various magical creatures, from centaurs and dragons to merpeople and unicorns, decorated the vast space of the hall. Near the refreshment table, one sculpture was bewitched to serve those who desired food. Famished dancers had the choice of a large variety of sweets. The only food I had conjured was muggle food I had enjoyed from my childhood. James and I had figured it would be a joyous change from the pumpkin pasties and cauldron cakes we usually had. Sugar cookies cut into the shape of oversized snowflakes were frosted in a glittering white. A chocolate fountain, alternating between milk and white, stood amongst piles of fruit. Chocolate lollipops dusted with an edible silver powder were scattered on the long table. A tiered silver cake stood in the middle of it all, it's lustrous frosting glimmering in the soft light. Punch and Butterbeer was charmed an icy white and served in elegant frosted glasses. The music that pumped into the room blasted from large speakers spread about the dance floor strategically. It sounded as though the different bands that were playing were in the room with us.

I saw James in the far corner, talking with Sirius who had a tall, big breasted blonde hanging on his shoulder, with his back towards me. He was standing ramrod straight; I almost thought he was anxiously awaiting my arrival. His dress robes were a deep ebony and hung on his frame perfectly. Sirius tapped his shoulder and nodded his head in my direction as I approached. James spun around, smiling in anticipation. When he saw me, his smile faded and his eyes widened. I touched my hair self-consciously as a blush crept up my face.

"Lily…" He trailed off and I could see that he was attempting to stop himself from grabbing me and kissing me senseless. "You look…"

Sirius rolled his eyes at James' inability to form a complete sentence. "You're pathetic, you know." He muttered to James, who wasn't listening, but just staring at me with a dazed expression. "You look magnificent, Lily." Sirius complimented. James could only nod in agreement.

Sirius took a swig from a silver flask and proceeded to whirl his date to the dance floor.

"You really do look fantastic, Lily." James said, finally overcoming his shock.

I smiled; James was the only person I wanted a compliment from. "You don't look all that bad yourself." I replied, giving myself an excuse to drag my eyes over his body once more. I had to resist the urge run my hands over his expensively dressed chest.

He saw the fire in my eyes and was about to comment when Sirius bounded over.

"Bloody women." He crowed. "Must you _always_ go to the toilet in_packs_?"

I just laughed.

"Well then, Miss Lily Evans. Would you care for a dance?" He asked, goofily pretending to be formal, though the song that was playing was one of the most fast paced ones yet.

"I'd love to." I placed my hand on his outstretched arm and he lead me to the dance floor, exaggerating every movement. Suddenly, he pulled me close against his body and we strutted onward, stumbling over the tango.

I laughed loudly as we turned around, continuing out the barmy dance in the other direction. "I certainly hope that that is your flask poking into my leg."

"Ha ha!" He barked a laugh. "I'm not James, Lily. _I_ can handle your slightest touch." He released me and pulled out his flask, taking a large gulp. "Would you care for some?" He held it out and began to withdraw almost instantly, apparently believing me to be too much of a prude to have a bit of Fire Whiskey.

"Yes, actually, I would." I grabbed it out of his hand, taking a rather unladylike swig. It burned my throat deliciously on its' way down and I proceeded to take another large sip. And another. And another. And another. "W-o-o-o-o-w, Sirius!" My tongue felt heavy in my mouth. "This stuff is _fantastic_. Why have you never shared before?"

Sirius barked another laugh. "I think you're a bit smashed, Lily."

My eyes roamed the room and landed on James. A hint of sadness entered my voice as I spoke. "Who's that girl he's talking to?" Could it, perhaps, be that mystery girl he had been mumbling about this morning?

"Hmm? Oh, that's Necra Pijmo. She's fancied James for years."

I attempted to march forward in a jealous rage, but I stumbled and would have fallen had Sirius' quick reflexes failed to cause him to catch me, grabbing me around the waist. "Thank you." I murmured and continued forward towards James, much less than enviously furious. I walked in a weaving line, the floor seeming to tilt beneath my feet.

"James!" I squealed. Necra smiled at me and left in search of her friends, without so much as a 'hello'. So that's how rivals treated each other. I skidded to a stop in front of James, almost knocking both of us over.

"Whoa." He said, steadying me. "Lily… are you… are you _drunk_?" His deep hazel eyes peered down at my face, searching for the truth. I supposed he could smell the alcohol on my breath.

"Maybe just a little." I slurred. "That flask of Sirius' _never_ empties!"

"Oh, Lily. What am I going to do with you?" He said, trying to be stern. The amused smirk on his face ruined it a bit, though.

"Have your way with me?" I supplied, grinning largely. "Act out every seemingly impossible fantasy?"

"Merlin, Lily." He groaned. "Behave yourself."

"Dance with me! You promised!" I threw myself towards him, abruptly changing the subject without meaning to.

"I— all right." He led me onto the dance floor just as a slow song started up. My concerns of people knowing about us were shoved to the back of my mind. For now, I just wanted his arms around me.

"Mmm. James." I breathed into his shoulder. We swayed to the music and I felt as though we were spinning, but holding onto James kept me grounded, on some degree. "You smell so good." I inhaled at his neck, drinking him in. "I love the way you smell."

"I love the way you smell, too." He whispered into my ear causing divine shivers to shake my body.

"I love you." I blurted, before rational thought even had a chance to enter my mind. As I thought through the haze blur of alcohol that clouded my brain, I saw that my words were true. "I love you." James pulled away from me to look at my face.

"You're drunk." He announced. "You don't mean it." He tried to put my head back on his shoulder but I stubbornly pushed away.

"No." I declared. "I do! After all, a drunken mind speaks a sober heart or some bollocks like that." I grinned. "I love you!"

"Lily… I think—" He stopped for a moment, taken a bit off guard by my sloppy, off-tempo dancing. "I think maybe I should get you back up to bed. You've had a bit more Fire Whiskey than is—" I cut him off, crashing my lips to his. "Lil—" He began, attempting to talk through the kiss, but his struggles were futile. My lips moved more urgently against his and he could not help his reaction. As his arms wrapped around my waist and mine around his neck, some of the gasps of those around us made their way to my muddled mind, though I took no heed. James did, though. I felt his hands hold onto my hips just a bit tighter as he pushed me away. "Lily." He whispered rather roughly. "You don't want this. You're bloody pissed. Let me take you back to bed."

"Hmm." I sighed, coming down from my over-excited fervor. "Okay. I suppose I'm getting a bit… a bit tired."

"Good. Come on." James put his hand on the small of my back and started to lead the way off the dance floor. This would have worked out perfectly if my legs had been working properly. "Lily." He sighed as I staggered. In one sweeping movement he had me in his arms, one under my knees and the other supporting my back.

"Thank you, James." I breathed as I leaned my head against his neck, my arms twined around him. I closed my eyes against the curious stares.

"So_that's_ why he turned you down, Janna."

"Wait! Is Lily _drunk_?"

"It figures that he's carrying Lily."

"Merlin! Has Lily finally given in?"

As hard as I tried to block it out, the words churned around me. That was exactly what I had been dreading. Everyone talking about us. Pointing and announcing full and well how I wasn't good enough for the infamous James Potter. As if I didn't already know.

The words and music soon faded away as James strode on, putting more and more distance between us and the dissenting onlookers.

He placed me on my bed gently, though I hadn't even been aware that we had entered the dormitory.

"I need… I need my night clothes." Drowsiness pulled on the edges of my brain, tugging my eyelids closed and interrupting my train of thought. "Could you… could you please get them? Second drawer."

He made his way to my dresser as I kicked off my shoes and slipped off my dress.

"Thank you." I murmured, pulling on the white t-shirt and muggle boxers.

He merely nodded.

"Stay with me?" I said, scooting down beneath the blankets. "I don't want to be alone."

James just silently removed his formal wear, joining me when he was only in his own boxers. I lifted my head and he obligingly stretched his arm out, allowing my head to rest near his shoulder. He wrapped an arm loosely around my waist and I sighed contentedly.

"Why did you take Sirius' drink?" He asked, breaking the quiet.

"Because he offered it to me." I heard skepticism in his silence. "And because he didn't think I would. Because I wanted change." Time had wore on me and the effects of the Fire Whiskey were wearing off, though I offered the insightful truth without prodding.

"Did— did you mean it?" He whispered and for the first time I could hear something, almost like fear, in his voice.

"Yeah." I breathed heavily. "I really did."

My eyelids were drifting closed. I'm not sure if I imagined it, but I was almost positive I heard him say, "I love you too" quietly and kiss my forehead.


	8. Chapter 8

_A/N: Well, here is the eighth and final chapter. It's kind of sad to let it go. No longer will I be scribbling furiously in my notebook during Chemistry. Oh well. It was a relatively good run. This is quite short and just ties up all loose ends, or at least I'm hoping it does. Again, I apologize for any grammar/spelling errors. Please review, it would be greatly appreciated. Thanks so much! Enjoy! _

* * *

I rolled over and attempted to open my eyes, but closed them to mere slits the second the retina-searing light touched my eyes. Trying to sit up, I clutched my head, as the moment I moved the blood pulsing to my brain thudded in my ears, bringing a surprising amount of pain with it.

"Ugh." I groaned, noticing that my teeth felt like they were blanketed in moss. _Why on earth do I feel this awful?_ I couldn't remember anything. Then, it all came rushing back, one horrifying scene after another. My public drunkenness. Proclaiming my love to James. The kiss. Clutching to James for dear life, begging him to stay with me. "Oh, fuck."

"Here." James held out a large glass of water. "Drink this. I expect your mouth feels terrible." I took the water gratefully, drinking deeply. "You had quite the night. Do you— er— do you remember anything?" He asked, not managing to cover the anxious tremor in his voice. I stole a glance at him, seeing him for the first time that morning. He was sitting directly adjacent to the bed. He had on only his dress pants from the night before, something, I supposed, he had donned only to retrieve the ice water. His raven black hair was as messy as ever, as though he had spent the majority of the morning running his hand through it nervously.

"Yes, I remember." I said softly, for any noise above a muted whisper caused my head to pound painfully. Before he could interject, I added, "and I meant it what I said. I really did." I saw his eyes light up with concentrated hope, pure and innocent, but his face was cautious, as if he thought he had too much to lose to let himself fall into the trap of believing. Something was there, holding him back and I just had to know what it was. "Who was that girl you were talking about yesterday morning?" I asked, stupidly not thinking of the consequences. Stupidly not thinking about how I would feel when my suspicions were confirmed, when I truly saw the reason behind his hesitance. 

"What girl?" It appeared that he had no idea who I was talking about.

"From yesterday morning, when you thought I was asleep." I elaborated.

"Oh. Lily…" He began, but I didn't let him finish.

"Look. If you want someone else, okay. I mean, that would be… all right, even fair, I suppose. Just… tell me now. Get it over with so you don't hurt the poor girl by making her wait any longer. I mean, it's_you_ for Merlin's sake. Don't make her wait. I…" I just kept babbling. I was letting him go and I could not shut up. The words just toppled out of my mouth. 

"Lily, what the hell are you on about? That girl, the one I was arguing with myself about, was _you_. When will you get it through your head, Lily? I _love_ you. All I'll ever want is _you_. You can shout at me, you can hex me, you can talk to me, you can kiss me and _all I will ever want it you_." His eyes burned into mine and my mouth hung open in unabashed shock.

"James…" I reached out, touching his cheek with my fingertips, igniting a fire that left my entire hand tingling. "I… I love you." He drew in a shaky breath.

"Lily. If you— I— I mean, you don't have to pretend for me. You… you, uh, feel ill. It's all right." He stuttered with the most heart-wrenching look twisting his features. He seemed to be trying to use every excuse he had stuffed up his sleeve to prove me wrong.

"James, you're running out of lies to keep telling yourself." I murmured with strong conviction. "I _love_ you."

"Lily." He breathed. "Lily, Lily, Lily. I love you too." I pulled his face down to meet mine, kissing him deeply. "Lily, will you go out with me? For real this time?" He inquired, using his over-asked question, and he seemed to actually care what the answer was. If you had asked me at the start of term if I thought that James Potter had ever been serious about his feelings for me, the answer would have, undoubtedly, been no. If you had told me that I would be utterly smitten by him in four months time, I would have laughed in your face and told you to take a trip with St. Mungo's. But here I was, taking in for the first time that I meant something to him and admitting that he meant everything to me.

Deciding that there was a time to be somber and to joke, I answered wholeheartedly with an "of course", brushing my lips against his. "I love you." I could not stop saying it. All I wanted to do was to stay there and say it over and over again.

He smiled and kissed me again. "You need some food in you, Lily." He got up and grabbed a set of my robes. "Here, put those on."

I did as I was told, positively beaming. Never would I have thought that I would be the happiest I have ever been with James Potter. Never. He pulled me into his arms and I sighed in relief, feeling completely safe with him.

This is what love felt like? This is what I had been missing out on? How could I have possibly been alive for seventeen years and not known that I had been missing one of the most integral parts of me? How had I been walking, talking, _laughing_ without knowing that I loved and was loved in return?

"I'm glad you stopped lying to yourself." He whispered. "I've loved you for so long. Too long." He admitted sheepishly, casting his eyes down.

"I never thought you were serious. I always assumed you were just trying to get a rise out of me. But then I spent time with you, saw you with your friends and of course, your 'weakness' in Transfiguration, which, by the way, I know was a complete lie." I grinned.

"Sirius suggested it, though I never imaged it would have worked so brilliantly." He smiled slightly. "I knew exactly what to do and what not to do. That's why I chose Transfiguration. After all, I just wanted to spend some extra time with you, not cause the school to combust."

I laughed. "I'm glad you did it."

He just smiled and took my hand, leading me out of the dormitory. This time, he didn't release me the moment we stepped into the corridor. This time, we walked down to the Great Hall hand in hand. This time, he swiftly bent his head, placing a gossamer kiss upon my lips just before we entered the hall, earning several gasps from passing students. This time, our clasped hands were out for anyone to see. This time, our friends peered at us knowingly. This time, we were_together_, this time and any other.


End file.
